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Tough love parenting is a term which is thrown around, usually with the meaning that the parents have tried everything and nothing worked so now we have to make our child miserable until they behave.  Here’s the thing.  Kids need guidelines and leadership, from the parents, in their life.  It’s no wonder that kids from single parents are 3 times more likely to have a run in with the law than two parent homes.  If you exclude two parent homes where one of the parents has an addiction the data skews even more to 5 times more likely to have a run in with the law.

So then, if the family is a two parent home with no addictions, the main reason why tough love parenting is needed is that the parents have been lacking in guiding and leading their child for quite some time.  Rather than be offended whether this is true of you or not lets do a quick quiz and see how you do.

tough love parenting quiz

1. Do your children have chores that must be done by them?
2. Do they do them? or Do they complain when you remind them?
3. Are their grades in the top 20% of their class?
4. Do your children talk back to you often?
5. Do you honestly enjoy your children’s company?

These are only 5 questions but there could be many more.  If you answered no to at least one of these questions or answered yes to #4 then you need a boot camp on rules and parenting.

Here’s the thing, what a lot of parents call tough love parenting really ought to be renamed leadership parenting. Often simple guidelines like the ones mentioned in the quiz above, when enforced, are enough to totally transform your child into just a great person who is a joy to have around.  If you need help creating this kind of consistency, I highly reccommend you contact Dr. Bocknek at bocknek@takebackthehome.com or visit the website at takebackthehome.com.  Dr. Robert Bocknek is the problem solving expert for parents and families.  You or your family can take one of his courses or can have him come to your town for one of his empowering talks or seminars.  If you are considering painful tough love parenting steps beyond what what the quiz talked about, its not to late to first try Dr. Bocknek’s easy to follow and phenomenally effective guidelines to a great home.

Good luck.  Sincerely, Dr. Bocknek, the problem solving expert for parents and families.

www.takebackthehome.com, www.keyboardculture.com

The perils of step parenting are vast and treacherous.  As a man who took on 2 teenage boys, who haven’t had a father living in the house since they were 4 and 2, I am a veritable expert in the blended family.

The first of the perils of step parenting has very little to do with the kids themselves.  It has to do with the overprotective parent.  One thing to watch for is the parent who is madly in love with you and who trusts you implicitly with almost anything.  You turn into the evil step parent when it comes to their kids.  In my case, she wanted me to be the father they never had as long as she got to decide when.

The second of the perils of step parenting to watch for is the young male energy.  I have found that there can be a lot of resentment from one of the boys not being the man of the house anymore.

The third of the perils of step parenting is the “you don’t love my kids as much as you love yours” comment.  This takes place especially in the discipline time. There are many more perils, but that’s enough for this blog

Step parenting requires one most important ingredient from which all other behaviors will succeed or fail.  The parents must act like adults.  What does this mean?  This means that each parent must decide before you get married that you trust this person you are marrying.  If you married them then the implication is that you do trust them.  (For those of you who aren’t sure you do…this blog isn’t for you).  Implied in being an adult, means that when dealing with children issues rational behavior must rule the day.

The perils of step parents will greatly diminish when both parents create agreements between them as to what the rules of the house are.  The rules are the laws of the house.  Once the rules are in place they literally should be signed by both parents.  I can tell you honestly, this is huge.  When, in my home and with families I counseled didn’t do this, trouble wasn’t too far away.  For instance, with chores,  you state who does what and what are the penalties when not done.  When I counsel families, who have really intense fighting I make the parents, themselves, write down what the penalties are for themselves when they break the rules when the other parent is enforcing the rules.

Discipline has a bad reputation, but discipline is freeing when everyone understands what the laws of the house are and what the penalties are.  Remember, you are reading this blog, so you must have some of these issues.  The key to success when dealing with the perils of step parenting is to remember that you the step parents decided to take the plunge and get married again.  You run the risk of making the same mistakes you made in the first marriage.  Try writing down the rules and penalties.  Have everyone sign off on them. Live by them for a week.  You will see a huge change.

Dr. Robert Bocknek is “the problem solving expert for families”.  Write him with any comments at bocknek@takebackthehome.com.

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